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brief coffee date

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I won't sugar-coat it: I am a Starbucks junkie. It is what it is. Being in a state that I am still not QUITE identifying as my “home,” even after living here for over a year, there have been NUMEROUS times I wished I was back in Washington, tucked away in a corner at a local Starbucks store, catching up with a friend or two. . . Pair this with the fact that I am having a really hard time lately, trying to decide which parts of my chaos I am okay with sharing, & you get this rushed, last-minute contribution to the Ultimate Coffee Date blog hop for May.

So, pull up a seat & settle in with your favorite beverage & lets catch up just a touch. . . (My go-to these days is a grande, triple shot, two-pump hazelnut, two-pump mocha with coconut milk & light whip; what'll you have? ;))

I love my coffee. . . (Image from

I love my coffee. . . (Image from

If we were having coffee, I would tell you. . . that I have been having a really hard time, emotionally lately. I finally went to see an actual doctor about my depression (over a month ago now) & he gave me a diagnosis I don't like & recommended medication. I have finally come around in seeing the need for it, but — for several legitimate reasons — I am not quite ready to take his advice. . . It is what it is?

If we were having coffee, I would tell you. . . that I am so super excited, but simultaneously terrified that this is the last full week of the spring semester for this school year. By the end of this week, three of my five classes will be done — & next Tuesday is the final day for my two in-person classes. After that, I have over three months for summer break before the fall semester starts. I am glad to be done with this round of classes, but I am worried about having all that extra time on my hands again. Just, yuck. But. . . It is what it is.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you. . . I am so super excited for July to hurry up & get here! We have rented a car to drive up to Washington for a decent-length visit. We will get to see friends & family we haven't seen in way too long. . . & we get to meet — for the first time!– our new niece & nephew. It has been so terribly difficult to see all the pictures of everyone else getting to hold & snuggle these beautiful babies. The handsome husband & I are more jealous than is probably healthy to admit & simply cannot wait to get to hold them both. Tears will be shed — without a doubt.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you. . . I really miss blogging. I feel like sharing some of my chaos does really help. . . It's just that there's a lot — like, REALLY a lot — that I am still processing. . . Things that I don't know what to think about, that I haven't even effectively talked to the handsome husband or one of my best friends about. . . I share A LOT more in this corner of the Web than quite a lot of people would probably be comfortable with. . . That's okay. I know I share a lot. The reason it is okay is because I have processed what I am sharing & I am reasonably comfortable with myself & how I process things. When self-consciousness & self-doubt enters the picture, it is harder to share things — & that is when there are month-long gaps in Calculated Chaos content. 😉 Maybe that will start to change; maybe it won't. . . But, at least here's a tidbit in the meantime. . . 😉

Thanks for “having coffee” with me. . . What would you share with me if we were having coffee?

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11 thoughts on “A Brief Coffee Date”

  1. So, several things:

    I am an obsessive, depressive anxious insominac, just so you know what you are dealig with.
    I am so sorry you have not been able to blog in so long. Not blogging hurts.
    I once had a serious Starbucks habit that cost me a LOT of money, week-over-week. I kicked it. Lucky me.
    I am really interested to know were you got the “If We Were having Coffee” thing, and if you happen to have gotten it by reading some #WeekendCoffeeShare posts, I am sorry I did not find you sooner.

    We have a linkup for this sort of thing, and a hashtag, just in case you don’t know. We do it on the weekends, but doesn’t really matter when you publish. Tuesdays are good.

    I hope things look up for you soon.

    1. Not blogging does hurt. . . But second-guessing myself hurts more, I think. . . I don’t know. The jury is still out. 😉

      I think the handsome husband would like it if I kicked my Starbucks habit, but for now, it beats other habits, so I think I will keep it. 😉

      I got the “if we were having coffee” bit from the Ultimate Coffee Date blog hop, which I came across, I think, last year sometime on Lynda’s site, She & some other bloggers do it on the first Saturday of each month. I haven’t participated in quite a while because when I do blog over the weekend, I usually participate in Lizzi’s Ten Things of Thankful. With that said, Lynda’s group is very fitness & running-oriented — & I feel quite out of place there (not from anything THEY’VE said or done, but still). 😉 I will check out your #WeekendCoffeeShare posts. I had no idea!

      Thank you for taking a few moments to comment. 😉

      1. Okay. I recognize FintnessMomWineCountry, but do not know her.

        the reason I asked about the coffee thing is my sister and I are partners in the blogging and other social media. #WeekendCoffeeShare is her registered hashtag, and she runs a weekly linkup for “If we were having coffee” posts. she usually gets 20-30 bloggers and they actually visit one another. I write for it and give it twitter support, but make no promises as far as reading and commenting goes, because I am upt to other things on the weekends. Any time you start using those words “If we were having coffee.” that gets our attention. Because she saw that phrase on a blog, started writing them, and so many of our friends joined in that we had to get a linky to organize it better.

        I can’t imagine not blogging at this point. I do not know what I would do with myself. All that energy, with nowhere to go.

        1. Yes! My brain is even more chaotic than usual when I don’t blog. It is my therapy, for sure. I need to find the balance, even when I am feeling the way I have been the last several weeks.

          I am definitely going to go find your link-up. I do enjoy writing these types of posts; they are casual & let me share whatever it is that I feel like I need to share, but in smaller tidbits than a full-on post.

          1. “If we were having coffee” is the ultimate free-form blogging thing. You can do anything with it. Long, short, personal, ranty. Doesn’t matter. Just as long as you are convesing as though you are having a beverage with your audience. Doesn’t have to be coffee. Can be tea. Or cocktails, lol. Gonna drop a link on your thread now, just so you can find the blog that hosts the linkup. This week’s is closed. The linkys go live on Saturday mornings, U.S. East Coast time. You are welcome to join in as much or as little as you like.


    2. So sorry that you are in such a painful place right now and I am glad that you are telling on yourself. Loved your honesty and I know a bit about chaos myself. Pulling for you over here.

    3. I want you to come back to the TToT – we’re nearly at our 100th celebration!

      ANYWAY. Hmmm. I’d have tea (English breakfast, with milk) and I’d tell you I’d missed seeing you around the ‘sphere. I’d let you know I’m glad that writing this helped – that I’m pleased you went to the doc but annoyed that you don’t like your diagnosis, and I’d be worried about why you aren’t taking your meds, and that I hope the legitimate reasons are the right ones.

      I’d tell you that I’m finding the beginning of the end really hard – a lot harder than I thought, given how little marriage there was left, and that I’m so, SO grateful for my friends at this time, and that I think you should definitely tell your BFF the things you need to get out and haven’t yet.

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