Obviously, it's been over a month since I last posted.
It seems I am at one extreme or another.
This isn't anything new with me. Yet, every time something happens to remind me of it, I am just as surprised as the last time. It makes absolutely NO sense. But, there it is. Knowing this makes it no less true. It is what it is, I suppose.
So, I got about half-way through the Blog-tember challenge last month before I got derailed. During the first week (or so) of my blogging hiatus, I thought that, maybe, I had just overwhelmed myself with the frequency of posts all of a sudden. But, the more I think of it, the more I think that is off-base. I had good prompts & I enjoyed creating each post. Even more so, I gave myself permission to be imperfect in following the challenge.
Basically, I was in it for the fun of it. . . For the challenge & growth of it all. . .
I didn't take it so seriously that I viewed it as work. Thus, I don't believe it was that challenge that created the feeling of being overwhelmed that led me to give blogging a break for a bit.
Then, it occurred to me that about two weeks before that last post, I got a phone call from my OBGYN's office saying that my HCG levels were finally back to a normal level. Elation! We can start trying again (& all the fun that goes along with that). It's just that the hormonal changes involved with HCG being at a “normal” level again is pretty intense! Monthly cycles are more magnified.
It's totally crazy!
There was one weekend two or three weeks ago that I seriously thought I was going to murder someone if my insides didn't kill me first. I kid you not. Then, last week, I had to fight the urge to rape my husband. No joke! I am already an emotional person. But, the last month-&-a-half, my emotions have been even more INTENSE. Again, I say, “Craziness!”
Speaking of intense emotions, there's this feeling of being ashamed. Yes. Ashamed.
How dare I?
Or was I just brutally honest in a moment of intense emotions?
It is okay to simultaneously feel contradicting emotions, right?!
No matter how much I might want to “blame” it on being overwhelmed. . . it's really an internal struggle of sorts.