I know I am not supposed to say this. . . And, I know I have a tendency to try to put a positive spin on damn near everything, (especially when posting here). BUT, there comes a point when a gal just needs to vent! Not everything said may sound logical. . . And, many of these proclamations may be gross exaggerations, BUT that does not mean they are not my true feelings, nonetheless. . .
Pregnancy is NOT beautiful.
The idea of pregnancy might be gorgeous & miraculous & all those things that everyone wants to “ooh” & “aah” & carry on about. BUT, pregnancy itself is NOT beautiful. It is messy & gross & sickening. A miserable time for almost everyone involved.
It starts with feeling nauseous for what seems like no apparent reason. Maybe there's bloating & cramping. . . Most likely, there are several nasty mood swings & lots of blubbering tears. And don't forget the sore boobs that I can no longer let my husband touch. . . That hurt just to accidentally brush up against the sheets in bed. . . Boobs that can't be happy stuffed up into a now-ill-fitting bra, but that also aren't happy to just dangle at the whims of gravity.
All of those symptoms are before you even have confirmation that you are, in fact, pregnant. At that point in time, you &/or your partner might suspect pregnancy, but — let's face it — sometimes, these can also just be severe pre-menstrual symptoms. . . SO, you wait (or at least I did) until it is about time for that dirty little monthly visit from Aunt Flo. . . And, if she doesn't show up right on time (as she always did for me), then it's time to get confirmation by peeing on that silly little stick to see if an extra line shows up. (Peeing on a stick?! Ew. Think about it.) Then, a photo of that peed on home test is passed around to friends & family in some sense of celebration that there were two pink lines.
It only gets worse from there. . . There are multiple trips to the bathroom — take your pick on what comes out of where, because, really, between the exit of your body waste being sped up to your tummy feeling queasy, your body chooses to purge everything. Luckily, this time around, for me, the nausea has been minimal & there has yet to be any up-chucking. (Thank the Lord!)
If you thought you had issues with body weight or food before, you're in for a real treat. . . Hunger strikes all the time. I feel like I am eating constantly. My body doesn't want much, but it want's it frequently. You're hard-pressed to find a time when I am not snacking on something. BUT, in a sick & cruel twist, not everything you once enjoyed is actually enjoyable now. . . Some things, all of a sudden, are absolutely sickening. (Like, eggs & chicken, so far this pregnancy. . . LOVED them. Now, they make me want to gag.) And, some things that you love are no longer advised. . . (Goodbye, coffee, medium rare steaks, deli meat, & countless other delicious foods. Ugh!) AND, thirst has completely taken over, as no amount of water seems to be quite enough; there must be a glass of water on-hand at all times.
Then, to exacerbate those self-image & body weight issues even further, your body is hard at work, creating this baby & its home for the next several months, so you are so extremely tired — like, all the time. SO, getting up the energy to be even a little bit active is such a huge task in & of itself. . . It really seems like a “catch 22,” although, I've heard tales of plenty of women that manage to do just that. (Yet another thing that makes me want to puke — or cry. Or both.) Is it time for (another!) nap yet??
Your sense of smell is heightened. . . Sometimes a really good thing, (like whatever scent I picked up on the handsome husband when he left for work this morning). . . BUT, it's mostly a horrifically awful joke by God. The cleaning supply aisle in the grocery store is enough to send my head spinning, as is the pet food section. And, the dogs coming in from running around outside in the more-than-ninety-degree weather? DISGUSTING. Gag me now. (Oh, wait! My body already took care of that!)
Thought I was done? Nope. Far from it.
Then there's the light-headedness. I don't understand it at all. I can't stand up too quickly. I can't wait too long to eat. I can't get too hot. All of these things — & probably several other triggers that I have yet to figure out — cause the tunnel vision to start up & the world to begin to spin. . . Sometimes, it's mild & just adds a touch to the slight nauseousness I am already feeling; other times, it is so severe — like last night — when I really thought I might need to weaken my knees & drop to the ground before my body did it for me.
Headaches are another reality. Between the tension in my body from all the commotion going on underneath the surface & the big ol' boobies that ache & spread up through my shoulders, into my neck & under the base of my skull, I am in pain! Sure, the surge in hormones probably have something to do with it too. . .
Hand-in-hand with the dizziness & headaches comes what many like to call “pregnancy brain.” It starts at different times for everyone, but I swear, it's settled in for a good long while for me. . . I think one thing & type or say something completely different. In a status update on Facebook earlier this morning, I mistakenly used the word “exasperate” when I meant “exacerbate.” (Those that know me, know what a big deal this is for the likes of someone like me. I mean, really?!) I caught that one; how many silly little things am I missing? Putting room temperature produce in the refrigerator & groceries that belong in the freezer into the refrigerator. . . Those stupid little things that are more embarrassing than truly harmful (hopefully!). . . It's a fog that takes over your brain to stay for only God-knows-how-long. Ugh. Talk about (yet another!) humbling experience!
You think PMS bloating is bad? Try on pregnancy bloat for size. . . I already felt fat. (Get a grip. I am fat.) Now, my clothes feel that much more snug. The boobs ballooning further certainly don't help. And, holy, backaches, batman!
Also, think about it. . . Your body is now an incubator for this little alien being developing inside of you. Not only do you feel cramping in your uterus from your alien's growth & shifting of your own body parts to begin to make way, but also — I swear! — my body temperature has gone up at least five degrees. Don't scoff! That's a HUGE difference, especially when we recently moved to Hell — I mean Arizona — from Washington State. At 11 o'clock in the morning, in APRIL, the temperatures are already pushing 90. Ridiculous. I think I might die.
As if that wasn't enough, there's the added responsibility that your significant other feels. . . Guys, by nature, want to fix everything. Yet, when you're laying in the middle of the floor, half-dressed from being so over heated, ice pack pasted to your neck to try to get rid of the pounding headache, sipping on a ginger ale to keep the nausea at bay, while tears & snot drip down your face because you decided it was all just WAY too much to deal with, it's kind of hard for him to know when & where to jump in & rescue you from yourself. . . Kind of adds to the reasons to want to cry all over the place, right? YOU are causing this tense & uncomfortable feeling that your handsome husband must now feel on a damn near daily basis.
Doesn't THAT paint a “beautiful” picture? There's pregnancy for you. And, we're not even half way through the first trimester. It's going to be a LONG year. . . SAVE ME NOW. Ugh.
There's plenty more that can be added, (like your brain going into an irrational overdrive on all your parenting fears, worrying about those first few doctors appointments, being big as a house later in pregnancy, living so far away from your main support system, labor & delivery, breastfeeding, no longer owning your own body, etc. . . ). I think you get the idea.
Now, doesn't pregnancy sound just BEAUTIFUL? Not.
Can you relate?? Do you thoroughly disagree?? Let me know in the comments, below.
I didn't think I would be participating this week, as I had a few things to get off my chest. . . (I haven't posted in a WEEK!) BUT, then I realized that I inadvertently (barely!) met the criteria for the Two Shoes Tuesday link up hosted at Texas Two Shoes. Every Tuesday, Josie will give two prompt words to choose from. The word does not necessarily need to be a part of our entry, as long as it is used as inspiration. This week’s prompts were “Spot” or “Save.”
I also happened across the Come Along Wednesdays blog hop at The Adventures of Noble & Pond very recently. I thought I would join in on the fun there too! Please take a moment to see what some of the other bloggers have written about lately. . .
Now that you've read about how I feel about pregnancy right now, if you're curious to know about what my brain is telling me — what I know I will feel one day, please click here.