I've been called lazy too many times to count. It's rarely people who don't know me — at least not to my face — but almost always those who know me well. Almost always, it is someone close to me & those are the times it stings the worst. So, to those who call me lazy, I have a few words for you.
Call me lazy because I don't keep house well.
I don't keep house well. Never have &, frankly, never will. There are toys everywhere, dusty floorboards & shelves, & I know I don't vacuum as often as I probably should. I load the dishwasher an average of once per day & let the dishes linger in the sink. Laundry gets washed, but piles of clean & dirty can usually be found since I can't stand folding. I don't get the big deal.
Sure, cluttered surroundings exacerbate a cluttered mind. I am working on slowly getting rid of the excess of STUFF our family has accumulated. Everything, in my opinion, should have a place even if it doesn't always make it back to it on a daily basis. So, it stands to reason, if an item doesn't have a “home,” it either needs to go away or a “home” for it needs to be established by making something else go away.
Isn't chatting with my daughter or doing schoolwork more important?
I would rather spend my time listening to my daughter in her imaginary play or help her count to ten. Working toward my degree (finally!) is also time well spent, as, not only has it been something I've been working toward for quite some time, but it is also something that will immensely help my family once complete (if I put it to use).
Call me lazy because I don't have the same energy as you.
You don't have to understand. But it is better for our relationship if you at least try to. I don't have the same energy threshold as you. I literally have to psyche myself up just to get out of bed each morning. Everything I do each day is calculated.
Have you ever heard of the Spoon Theory?
Most “normal” people can just get up & go about tackling their to-do lists. I, on the other hand, don't get the “full tank of gas” everyone else gets. I am working on fumes. There's only so much to use & I need to make some tough decisions about how to go about it sometimes.
This is the part of mental illness people don't talk about.
I might seem like I am okay, otherwise. To you, I carry on conversations, appear semi-upbeat (or at least not down in the dumps & crying every two seconds). So, I must not be depressed, right? But that isn't how depression works. One of the signs of depression is a severe lack of energy.
Simple tasks can seem insurmountable.
Loading the dishwasher once is a victory for me! You can call me lazy for leaving those extra pans soaking in the sink all you want. It hurts my feelings just the same, but I still know it isn't true. At least I got that damn dishwasher loaded.
Call me lazy for being a homebody.
I might stay home most of the time & decline most invitations. But, committing to twice monthly meetings or weekly bible studies is a victory for me! I do both of those. You can call me lazy all you want; it doesn't make it true. I know I reserve my precious energy to make sure I am able to go to the activities that feed both me and my daughter in the most efficient way. I layer in extras as I feel I am able & I thoroughly enjoy being social online to close that gap.
Call me lazy because you think you're doing me a favor.
Is it because you think I don't know I am perceived as lazy? Do you think I need someone to NOT “sugarcoat” things for me? Am I not living in the “real world” (&, somehow, you calling me lazy will help me get there)? Or are you trying to hurt my feelings? I beat up on myself enough; your help isn't needed with that. I don't need your “tough love” in this department. Trust me.
I beat up on myself enough; your help isn't needed with that.Reta Jayne, Confidence & Chaos
When you point out my perceived laziness, what is it you're hoping the result will be? I am not going to miraculously spring into action & do “all the things” because you weren't going to “sugarcoat the fact I am lazy like other people do.” No. All this does is hurt my feelings & prove to me that you do not understand. At all. Not a bit.
When the urge to call me lazy strikes, there are more constructive things to do.
- Examine WHY you're so upset by it in the first place.
- Look at (& acknowledge) what I have accomplished.
- Pay me a genuine compliment. (They go such a very long way.)
- Go DO whatever it is you think I should have done YOURSELF.
- Read up on the Spoon Theory & what it is like to have bipolar disorder & depression.
- Ask me how my day was & tell me about yours.
- Tell me a joke or do something to make me laugh.
- Read your Bible or say a prayer. Maybe both.
- Let it go! Let it go! (Did you sing it too? LOL!)
So, to those who call me lazy: Just stop. Frankly, I call myself lazy enough for all of us. I have to work on my negative self-talk too much to have to worry about you putting me down too. So, please, take the time to understand & just LOVE ME or go away. Life is hard enough without having to deal with your judgement, because that's what you're doing: judging me. Please, just stop & consider all of this the next time you have the urge to call me lazy….
If you're in a similar spot or just need a confidence boost or some empowerment as you figure out how to embrace life's chaos, please accept this invitation to join us over in the Calculated Chaos Community. We are a group of women learning to grow our confidence together.