Have you ever stopped yourself in your tracks one day & wondered, What am I doing with my life?! I have. A lot. This is the kind of thing that crosses my mind all too frequently. And it's this question that, ultimately, gave Confidence & Chaos its start. This blog's history & mission — its whole purpose, even to this day — revolves around that very question.
What am I doing with my life?!
Over 7 years ago, my first blog post went live. Back then, the blog was called “Calculated Chaos” & I had it over on the freebie WordPress site. I was feeling overwhelmed with my thoughts. I was unsure about where I was in life & where I was going & I needed an outlet. It was frustrating to try to journal because my thoughts would go too fast in comparison to my pen on the paper. Typing proved so much easier! (And, there was something risque about putting my feelings out onto the vast InterWebs for just anyone to stumble across, y'know?)
So, I got my start as a blogger with my glorified online diary trying to answer the rhetorical question, What am I doing with my life?!
I know that seems like an oversimplified answer about this blog's history. That's because it is.
Over the years, I realized there was a lot more to blogging than simply sharing my own thoughts. What was going on in MY brain could prove helpful to someone else. So, how could I package that up in a way that would benefit THE READER — & not just me?
So, I played around with learning how to change my narrative.
The objective switched from simply trying to figure out what am I doing with my life? to answering that question for myself while ALSO potentially helping whoever stumbled across my little corner of the Internet.
It spurred me on to think that maybe, just maybe, I was helping someone else figure out the things I had just figured out for myself, y'know?
And, as time went on, I grew as a person & as a writer & blogger. I realized that I wasn't simply worried about answering the question about what am i doing with my life? It also smacked me in the face one day that I completely lost who I was.
My confidence was severely lacking.
I found myself smiling at my own reflection in the mirror. And, immediately, tears were STREAMING down my cheeks. I was bawling, y'all. Full on ugly crying.
It dawned on me in that precise moment that I hadn't met my own eyes in the mirror in a LONG time — much less actually SMILED at myself!
What would possess a person to avoid her own reflection in the mirror for SO LONG?
Did I despise myself THAT much?!
It was a sobering realization.
What am I doing with my life?!
So, yeah. The internal dialogue that day wasn't pretty at first.
What kind of disgusting slob would do this to herself? Is this the example I want to give to my children? What is WRONG with me?!
But, that negative self-talk quickly gave way to a new kind of determination.
If I am feeling this way, there must be other women who have felt this way too. Those women need to know they aren't alone. I need to know I am not alone too. What can I do to boost my confidence AND help other women do the same?
And, just like that, the seed was planted. Ever since that day, I have been on a mission.
- You are NOT alone.
- Your mental health DOES matter.
- It IS okay to OPENLY talk about mental illness.
- YOU deserve a community of women around you who will have your back.
- You have the power to make the changes in your life that you desire.
- You can still have friends & be true to your introverted self.
- There are healthy ways to make sense out of the CHAOS in your life.
- It is OKAY to acknowledge that there IS chaos in your life.
You are a daughter of The King & He sees you as a beautiful woman, made just as you should be. It's time to start shifting your perspective to hold yourself just as high.
These are the things I am working on for myself… & these are the things this Confidence & Chaos blog will discuss & aim to convey to YOU as well. That is my mission.
Want to Explore?
Read about Mental Health, Productivity, Faith, & Family by clicking on any of those links or head to the blog roll here. You can even get a closer look at The Sweet Minerals Difference here!
You are also invited to join us over in the Calculated Chaos Community! It's a straighten each other’s crown, no judgment, get REAL, no BS kind of place & we'd LOVE to have you join us.