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Attempting to Quiet The Bitch

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I know I've mentioned a few times that one of the things I am working on is getting rid of the over-abundance of negative self-talk that I allow to run rampant in my brain. It is not only something that I believe is important for me to be working on, but also many others out there — men & women alike. It is shocking how often & how quickly I can turn on myself even after a seemingly small slip-up!

Take into consideration for a moment this scenario: I have committed to this Blog-tember challenge, mostly for the consistency in writing & posting, getting my thoughts out of my brain & into my little corner of the Internet here. Yet, I wound up skipping yesterday's post, (which I was quite looking forward to! It was in regard to personality types. I think I will revisit that prompt in the future! LOL). The negative self-talk started as a whisper with that. . . Quiet, but persistent.

The reason I skipped yesterday's post was because I had allowed myself to procrastinate on my studies. Monday night, way later than I should have been awake, I put my books away, closed my lap top, & forced myself to go to bed, even though the assignments that weren't done were due to be turned in on Tuesday at my face-to-face classes. What on Earth was I thinking?! My eyes were blurring over, I didn't trust the work I was doing as a result, so sleep was a necessity; I am not questioning that decision; I am questioning the decisions that led up to cutting it so close to begin with. I was so angry with myself & I even started a Facebook status update berating myself, but thought better of it & deleted everything before I hit that “post” button.

As it turns out, I have a pretty good morning routine going on my “school days” (Tuesdays & Thursdays). I got up, hit the shower & got dressed & during my morning news & coffee time, I completed the homework that was due for my 10am class (my second class out of three for the day). Phew! One of two, done! Crisis averted. . .

Maybe. We'll see what score I actually get. That had to have been pretty half-assed for you to have whipped it out over coffee. All your reading was done last-minute in a sleep-deprived haze. What's your deal? That voice in my head sure does have a pretty bitchy attitude! I think I will call her “The Bitch” from now on. . .

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Then, after my 10am class, I have just over an hour before my math class begins. That is the time that I usually take to grab a bite to eat & pull out my kindle to do some reading or check out Facebook. I got a small snack & went straight to my math book & started crunching my numbers. Twenty minutes later, it was done! O.M.G. I really thought it would've taken two to three times that long!

Twenty minutes?! That's it? Surely, I screwed it all up. I deserve a zero on this assignment since I allowed myself to procrastinate so long. How stupid do you have to be to lose points over not even trying hard enough? Really?! There was the bitch again.

I am pleased to say that both assignments that I was so hard on myself about were completed, turned in, & awarded the maximum points possible — despite The Bitch's constant criticism. Now, that doesn't mean that I am giving myself a free pass to procrastinate quite like that again — Lord knows I don't like to give The Bitch a reason to come out. BUT, it does mean that I have some redeeming qualities — many of which are evident in this whole homework scenario.

With all of this taken into consideration, it's hard to believe that Bailey Jean came up with the Blog-tember Challenge's writing prompts quite some time ago, because today's prompt is this:

List 10 things that you love about yourself! Let's kick that negative self-talk outta here!

Quite fitting, eh? 😉

So, I am going to give you a no-frills list of things that I love can at least acknowledge that are sometimes good about myself. Trying to keep it simple here. . .

  1. I am stubborn. What I really mean to say is: once I make my mind up about something, it is hard to get me to change it. I might take forever & a day to make up my mind, but once I do, whatever it is that I've decided might as well be carved in stone, because it is going down.
  2. I am resilient. When obstacles & detours are all of a sudden thrust into my path, I will find a way over, around, under, or through whatever is holding me back. Again, I might take my sweet-ass time figuring it out. . . I might have lots of tears & a rave of a pity party before I snap out of it. . . BUT, I will find my way. I have plenty of times before; why not now?
  3. I am extremely empathetic. I firmly believe that having the ability to (& willingness to) put yourself in the shoes of other people & feel what they must feel & see their points-of-view on whatever it is that they are facing is an increasingly rare feat these days. I know I have it. . . & while it definitely adds to my “crazy” by making an already overly emotional gal even more emotional, I still believe it is, overall, a good trait for me to have.
  4. When I actually focus, I have a way with words — both written and verbal. I am not perfect, but I know I can make my point. I might tend to “beat around the bush” or write a novel when I really could write two sentences, but I like that words usually come easily to me.
  5. I try to view things in a positive light — most of the time. . . At least outwardly. 😉
  6. I am honest. A lot of times brutally. I believe honesty is better than sugar-coated lies. . . Lies are hurtful. Even if someone feels better at the moment of the lie, eventually the truth will come out & that will hurt worse than the sting of the truth if it would've been told to begin with. On that same note, one of the things I have the hardest time forgiving is being lied to. I cannot handle it. I won't lie to you, so please do not lie to me. It is a respect thing. No one deserves that.
  7. I am fiercely loyal. Once I have latched on to you, it takes a lot for me to be able to leave you behind. My husband, my family, the handful of friends I have deemed to be family. . . I will stand by them & defend them with my last breath if I had to. I won't always agree with them — & I will tell them as much — but if anyone else tries to disrespect them or talk ill of them, I will not tolerate it. . . Many people say these things, but not all really act on it. I do. It can be likened to the idea that I am allowed to pick on my little siblings, but if anyone else should dare, they'd have to answer to me. LOL. 😉
  8. I seem to do some of my best work under pressure. I don't know if that by itself is necessarily a good thing, but it has certainly come in handy on more than one occasion & my life is a lot easier as a result of that.
  9. I really like that I am mulatto. It helps me to identify not only with being white or being black, but also with the idea that people do not need to fit into one box or another — there are plenty of “grey areas” out there when it comes to people. Furthermore, it helps me to remember not to judge a person by how they look. I might look “black” but I was raised by my white mother. I have characteristics that could be attributed to either race — or neither.
  10. I am not a “glass is half empty” or a “glass is half full” kind of person. Instead, I will typically be grateful I have a glass & there is something in it. In other words, I don't usually view things as good or bad. I try to view them, instead, as what they really are — whatever that is, because it changes from day-to-day or moment-to-moment.
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This list was surprisingly hard to create. I challenge each & every one of you to give it a shot. What would be on YOUR list of things you love about yourself? Share in the comments below, email me at, or find me on Facebook.

This post was written in participation of the Blog-tember Challenge hosted by Bailey Jean of Brave Love. Please click here to see what others love about themselves. 😉


9 thoughts on “Attempting to Quiet The Bitch”

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