I'll warn you now, this will come across as a MAJOR pity party to many. .. . But, frankly, I do not care. I think it's a natural progression of things & I have absolutely no reason to feel bad for it. (Frankly, they almost always wind up with a positive ending, anyway.) With that said, I am starting to think that maybe — just maybe — my goals are all kinds of wrong. . . Read More »Compromise or Cop Out?
A couple of mornings ago, I forced my fat ass onto my bicycle & down the walking/biking trail in our community. What a humbling experience!
During that time, I passed a couple out walking. Then, when they caught up to me at my half-way point, they asked if I was okay — I must have looked MISERABLE! LOL. I just told them I am just out of shape & we all said, simultaneously, “You have to start SOMEWHERE!” Made me feel a little better! Read More »My Own Roadblock
We had known for over a year that it was coming. . . SO much had been put on hold as a result. . . We didn't know how much time we had or how much notice we would get. . . We just knew that it would be a time in our life together that was to be truly OURS, a time to establish a solid foundation for our future. . . A grand opportunity! Now, FINALLY, the time has come (& gone): we packed up & moved from Washington State to Arizona for the handsome husband's job.
It is a happy time. We've planned (& planned some more) to ensure that we can handle any curveballs that are thrown our way. . . In the weeks since leaving Washington, I have experienced a wide range of emotions — everything ranging from relief to anxiousness, elation to pure exhaustion. . . Most recently, however, a certain series of events have transpired that have left me feeling hurt, angry, &, well, bitter — stifling the joy of this time. I've struggled briefly with how to rid myself of this nasty taste in my mouth & have decided that this is my way to get it out of my system so it can no longer be toxic to me. . . So. . . Read More »Broken Boundaries: A Cleansing Rant
A bit over a year ago, I decided to start my blogging adventure & I had absolutely no idea what I was doing! (On many levels, I still don't; figuring it all out is half the fun!) As such, I began a blog to simply start poking around on WordPress, to learn a bit about the site. The “problem” occurred when I started another blog when I was ready to begin posting. Yep; I wound up with two blogs & only began posting on one — the one that wasn't attached to my user name (mochamama0205). Oh well. What's a gal to do?
Well, while Calculated Chaos (the site you're currently reading) is my main blog & is, obviously, up & running with several posts (& is the blog I intend to nourish further), there was still the issue of how to best utilize the “mochamama0205” space. A friend, through a FaceBook chat discussing blog formatting & inspiration, made a passing suggestion of posting a simple entry, re-directing any visitors to Calculated Chaos, thus ending my dilemma. In the same conversation, on the subject of “html” (I said I know very little about it, but would love to learn!), I mentioned that, years ago, my mother had the equivalent of a blog, where she was learning html & that I should blog about it sometime. It occurred to me, I could take my friend's suggestion a step further & do both, tying the vacant page back to my blog, as well as commemorating the page my mother maintained years ago. . .
So, there's this boy. . .
He was the first one to REALLY steal my heart & I love him SO MUCH to this day. . . Furthermore, my husband is TOTALLY okay with this. This boy is into Magic cards & plays the clarinet in both a concert band AND a jazz band. He has a quirky sense of humor & loves to read. Read More »So, There's This Boy. . .
I get hit HARD with depression every single year & it lasts through much of the fall & winter. My husband has started calling it my “funk” & I think it's quite funny – sad that I know it's coming or has arrived, yet can't seem to do much about it; but funny, nonetheless, that we can at least joke about it.
I have a hard time REALLY enjoying things. . . My usual introverted, homebody nature is magnified AT LEAST times ten & I call & go see friends & family even less than usual. . . I go to bed really early, sleep for what seems like FOREVER & still wake up feeling tired & unmotivated. I cry at the drop of a hat — many times over something that I really only find MILDLY irritating. Honestly, I am SO aware of this in myself that it is downright EMBARRASSING that, at nearly 32-years-old, I still cannot control my emotions. On the flip side, I know it is a legitimate ailment & that I have nothing to be ashamed of, as long as I am not letting it completely consume me. Read More »Here Comes the Funk
It has been QUITE some time since I even entertained the idea of marriage. I have been content with the thought that if I ever married, I would without-a-doubt be MUCH older. This just goes to show that meeting the perfect person FOR ME has made ALL the difference in the world. I have absolutely no doubts that this is the man who I will spend the rest of my life with. It's quite a lovely feeling. Read More »It's Not Personal; It's Practical
How does that common saying go? Something like, “Everyone has baggage. The key is finding someone to help you unpack.” Bogus! I mean, it sounds nice & all, but I think it’s just wrong. Sometimes baggage is just meant to be carried. It’s more important to find someone that will just share the load. “Finding someone to help you unpack,” to me, implies that you need to be fixed; that is not always the case. Read More »Baggage
In two days, it will have been 14 years since my mother passed away… FOURTEEN YEARS. For quite some time, it only made the pain of this loss seem so much more magnified because, logically (it seemed), it should have gotten EASIER each year, because, afterall, you always hear that “time heals all wounds,” right? WRONG. Whomever said that is FULL OF IT. Lets be real; shall we? Read More »Conversations in the Rain