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Teetering On a Ledge


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Lately, I feel as though I have been teetering on a ledge. . . I either want to curl up & fall asleep or I want to attack my surroundings like a maniac. . . Sorting & organizing & cleaning. . . There's SO much I want to accomplish, but I just don't feel like I have the energy to bother. There was a glimpse of motivation yesterday morning when I used catching up on one of my favorite television shows as a bribe to myself for getting on my new elliptical-like contraption. . . BUT, it fizzled after little else. . . Ugh. 

Today, I started my day like normal, setting out the handsome husband's clothes & unloading & loading the dishwasher as my coffee brewed. After starting the machine, I sat down with the laptop & sipped my coffee & fiddled around with my blog's site & my Facebook pages for a couple of hours. There's a pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded & put away & a hamper full of clothing & towels that need to be washed. But they all remain untouched.

In the living room, there's a gorgeous new five-shelf bookcase that the handsome husband bought for me & promptly assembled. It still sits empty, awaiting the various knick-knacks & books & such that are still packed away in boxes from the move. There are picture frames that need to be put on the walls & cleaning supplies that need to be taken out of boxes & put away.

Arizona is an extremely dusty place; thus, already, there is dusting to be done. . . There are floors to be swept or vacuumed. A brand-new steam mop that the husband has purchased for me that I have yet to use on any of the beautiful tile floors throughout the house. . . There are counters that need to be wiped down & mirrors that need to be cleaned. . .

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I think you get the picture. None of these things are horrifically time-consuming or worrisome tasks. . . They just require a couple of hours of actual effort. Furthermore, I just know I'll feel better once these tasks are done — although, some of them are reoccurring. . . I am a creature of habit; all I have to do is actually form the habit.

Yet. . . Here I am. I start with a small task — like emptying our dressers of the clothing we never wear anymore — then, I get distracted & start something else — like emptying the bathroom trash. Then, I get further distracted with Lord-knows-what &, in the end, I have a bathroom trash can that I haven't  re-lined & a huge bag of clothing destined for donation still sitting in the middle of our bedroom. Nothing else gets done. WTH? (It is five o'clock in the afternoon — after being up for over twelve hours — & I have still yet to shower for the day!)

I tell myself to quit procrastinating. . .  To snap out of it. But, every time I convince myself to do something productive, the same thing happens: I stop short of making any kind of real dent in what needs to be done.

I am teetering on a ledge. . . Swaying back & forth as I walk a very fine line.

On one side is the VASTNESS of “What's the Point?” It's the area where I throw my hands up, curl up into a ball, pull the blankets over my head & just go to sleep, leaving it all for another day. . . A day way in the future, to be thought about at another indeterminable time. After all, I am just so tired.

The other side of the ledge, is the BOMB of “What the Hell?!” It's the area where I am so indescribably frustrated with myself & my surroundings that I just feel like I am going to explode. It's where I let my tears fall, uncontrollably down my face & I go into a frenzied assault on all the things that I have been putting off — & sometimes plenty else that I haven't even added to the “to-do list” just yet. . .

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Neither side of this ledge is a good thing. One side is so vast, I don't know how to deal with it; the other, an explosion of productivity that'll leave me just as emotionally distraught. It's a vicious cycle. It's only a matter of time before one or the other will win. . . Then, it'll be only a matter of time before the other side of the ledge gets its turn. In the meantime, I teeter, accomplishing these little tidbits of tasks around the house that add up painfully slow. . . Just enough effort not to fall onto one side or the other. . . (And housework isn't the only thing this accurately describes. . . But, I guess that's a story for another time.)

The story of my life: Teetering on a ledge.



So, apparently, Monday was something called “No Housework Day.” Go figure. I totally had that covered & I didn't even know it! In honor of this, there's a nearly week-long party going on, hosted by I Make Myself Queen, Non-Domestic Mama, & Coolest Family on the Block. If you're so inclined, you should totally head over there & check out other housework-related posts. . .

12 thoughts on “Teetering On a Ledge”

  1. I just pick one task. One. And then I tell myself, life is about more than endless lists of tasks. Step outside. Feel the sun on your skin. Think of something that will make you truly happy, and do it. Life is dang hard. You’re doing awesome.

    1. You’re right. The handsome husband, last night, as we sat down at the table for dinner, told me I need to stop being so hard on myself. . . That he can see a noticeable dent every day when he comes home. I need to commit to doing SOMETHING, then cut myself some slack. . . YOU’RE awesome. Thank you.

    1. That’s exactly it. . . It’s time to just take a portion & knock it out. A bit each day IS still progress. . . Sometimes it’s hard to remember this when in the middle of it all, though. . .

  2. Usually we just put to many things on the to-do list and then stare at it all day feeling overwhelmed. I try to whittle my list down to the most important so I can actually get through it. it doesn’t always happen, but I try.

  3. Pingback: Pregnancy is NOT Beautiful | Calculated Chaos

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