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I have two sons by two different men & neither of those men are my husband.
Neither of those men have ever been my husband.
I've always said I would marry once & only once & I meant it (& still do).
Yet, I am occasionally reminded that I did things quite out-of-order.
“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” (You remember the song; I know you do.)
I used to joke that, because I already had two children, the pressure was off to find a man. . . A lot of women seem to rush the romance department because their biological clocks are ticking & I don't have that as an issue. . . (At least that's what I thought.)
I also used to joke that I chose fabulous fathers for my sons, but the most horrific men for myself. . . That is true. They're good men & great fathers, but I have no idea how I thought they might be good partners for me! LOL.
With all of this said, now that I am approaching my second wedding anniversary in a few months, I am realizing I was not as free of my biological clock as I originally thought. . .
There is something to the “order” of things. . . I would never trade my sons for anything, but I want very badly to have my husband's child too.
Don't get me wrong — my sons are my husband's too. It's just that they also have their biological fathers & live in a different state with them. I want my husband to have the experience of watching his child grow in my body, be born, & grow some more. . .
It's the natural order of things, right?
Wants & needs are two very different things, though. Whether we have a child together is entirely in God's hands; that's more than obvious after last year's miscarriage.
It's just interesting to me that there was a time when “the order of things” seemed so arbitrary to me in comparison to how I view it now. . .
This was written for the prompt “ocean or order” for this week's Two Shoes Tuesday link-up over at Josie 2 Shoes.
Thank you for coming to join us at Two Shoes Tuesday and for bringing such a powerful piece! It is true that in times long ago there was a sense of order to life events – love, marriage, babies. But even then, as my Grandmother so cleverly put it “the first one can come any time, after that they take nine months”. It happened, it was just not as accepted. Like you, the men that fathered my children never proved to be good husband material, though we did marry. Now that I am old, I have finally found my true love, and we share his children and my children and in my fantasies I wonder what it would have been like to share our lives and children from the beginning. I like that you feel your sons are being fathered well, and if it be God’s will I wish you healthy, happy babies to share with your new husband now. Never give up hope, little miracles happen every day!
order is such an arbitrary thing really… cliches are just that. Things in their time is how a real life happens.