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Ultimate Coffee Date


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Come in! Come in! Order your favorite coffee — or pick a non-coffee beverage, I won't judge! Pull up a chair & let's chat. Today is our (obviously virtual) coffee date & there's so much to share. (I haven't been drinking coffee lately, but when I do indulge in a cup, I drink it black. . . Or, if I was splurging, I would get a hazelnut mocha americano with a splash of soy milk. Yum!)

Women of WV Cover

The cover photo I made for a new FB group

If we were having coffee today, I would tell you thatΒ I am having fun meeting some new Arizonan friends online — through Facebook. It's been pretty fab. Although I am still getting to know them, most seem to be pretty awesome people. There's always that one that always has to be the victim, though. . . Drama, drama, drama. She just doesn't get that the common denominator is HER. I feel bad for her, but I just can't deal. . . So, I de-friended her & cut ties. Now, I am just trying to shake off that bad juju. Ugh. Done. πŸ˜‰

BUT, speaking of drama, have you seen this?? Freakin' hilarious! Hahaha.


If we were having coffee today, I would tell you thatΒ I was surprised this week by a package received in the mail from one set of my in-laws (the handsome husband's mother & step-father). In the package was a very unique & totally fabulous book bag, a few folders, some pens & highlighters with pouch, a notebook, & some Post-It flags — all to help get me started with my supplies for school, which starts up in just a few more weeks. I thought that was pretty fabulous! Apparently, the handsome husband knew it would be coming & kept it a secret. I was grinning from ear to ear. Pretty cool.

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It's made from recycled materials! How cool is THAT?!

If we were having coffee today, I would tell you thatΒ I am struggling with forgiveness towards a family member that I feel puts their needs before othersΒ entirely too much. I, personally, have felt trampled on more than once &, most recently, it crossed the line into downright insulting. At one point, I was thoroughly angry about this situation; now, I am just trying to figure out which pieces of this mess to pick up. It's hard to discern when letting others make their own mistakes starts to morph into letting others steal your own joy. That's where I am. We'll eventually get back to a point where things are not so strained, but not without a long talk.

If we were having coffee today, I would tell you thatΒ I am excited for a few visits from Washington! In just a couple of days, my Little RJ will be down for a three-week visit (& the last one untilΒ atΒ least the end of November, if not longer). PLUS, it looks like we might be able to welcome my in-laws down too — both sets, actually. The end of September the handsome husband's father & step-mother might be down for a weekend & the end of December the handsome husband's mother & step-father might be down for a bit too. Yes! I am looking forward to this! I have been blessed to have married into a family that is pretty damn awesome. I like to think of it as God's plan since I have missed my own mother so much over the last 15 years. He knows what He is doing. πŸ˜‰


Taken as I was waiting for Little RJ's plane to leave after his last visit.


If we were having coffee today, I would tell you thatΒ I am starting to learn to embrace Arizonan life. I've met a gal in my neighborhood that I go walking with on most mornings & a few other gals that seem pretty fabulous, so we're all getting to know each other. Monsoon is flippin' AWESOME & really takes the edge off the extreme heat of the summer in the desert. . Β . (You can read up on monsoon all you want, but nothing beats stepping out into 90-degree air, with rain coming violently assaulting the earth & thunder rattling windows as lightning lights up the sky all around you. It's pretty fabulous.) AND, I got approved for in-state tuition at the local community college, so my journey towards my associates degree in business (& eventually a bachelors in finance) can finally begin! (I might be 15 years behind on starting my college adventure, but I have all kinds of other experiences under my belt.) πŸ˜‰

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I could go on & on chatting your ear off. BUT, I am sure you have other things to do with your Saturday. . . If we were having coffee today, what would you tell me?? Comment below, email me at, or connect with me on Facebook at Calculated Chaos.

This post was written for the Ultimate Coffee Date link-upΒ hosted by Lynda, Nikki, & Jill on the first Saturday of each month.

See also  It's Not Okay

34 thoughts on “Ultimate Coffee Date”

    1. We’ve been in Arizona since the beginning of March! It’s a HUGE adjustment from Washington State! OMG. You’re in Indiana now? Am I reading that right? I bet that was an adjustment too, huh? I don’t know what I would do if it weren’t for the Internet. . . Seriously. πŸ˜‰

  1. That care package sounds AWESOME.

    If we went for coffee, I think that today I’d tell you about how happy I’ve been to be on holiday for the past week with my Niece and Neff, and how much I’ve loved spending every moment with them (even the annoying, early morning or late night ones) and how much I adore them both. I’d tell you all the little, wonderful things they do and say, and hope that you swoon over their cuteness as much as I do.

    And then I’d probaby drink my coffee in glum silence for a bit because of missing them so much, so I’d need you to tell me more about your care package and the school you’re going to go to.

    After that I’d want to chat about forgiveness, cos it’s a thing I’m big into.

    1. Lizzi, I feel as thought we DID go for coffee. I just got done reading your most recent TToT post & your niece & nephew DO sound so incredibly adorable! As for the care package & school, I would be an open book for any questions you would have. . . And then, I would pick your brain about forgiveness — because it was something I thought I was doing well with. . . In this particular case, however, I am finding that I am beginning to go numb to the entire idea of it. . . Just distant & luke-warm. . .No good.

      1. They’e beautiful, adorable children. And such a lot of fun.

        What are you going to learn? You sound very excited about it, which is always a good place to start. Is it adult learning or are you going to be in with youngsters? What will it get you in the end? What inspired you to take the course?

        And as for forgiveness…my feeling is that it’s rarely about the other person, but about allowing us to move on without being hooked into all the anger and negativity which is generated as a result of whichever situation has become hurtful. It’s not about condoning people’s actions or letting them off – I like to think of it as taking them off of my hook and putting them onto God’s – a MUCH bigger hook (I sometimes find I can forgive quite vengefully, in a way…) and one with more clout and exaction than I could ever hope to offer. It’s never easy because our nature is for revenge and evening the score and hitting back. Because that’s what seems fair. And when things go unsettled for a long time, it can be intensely uncomfortable and difficult and challenging. But worth it in the end for that time when you realise that you no longer harbour that knot of anger and dislike towards the person.

        I’m not saying it’s easy or that I’m particularly GOOD at it; just that I’m big into it and I think it’s a good thing to try for.

        1. I am enrolled as an associates in business student & I am starting from scratch. . So, yes; I will be in classes with recent high school graduates (& hopefully some older students too!). I have always envisioned myself as a college graduate, but the timing never seemed right. LIFE got in the way. I finally decided that would ALWAYS be the case & I wasn’t going to allow it to be in the way any longer. Once I have earned my associates through the community college, I intend to transfer to a university (which one is still up in the air) & study finance. I love the idea of helping others as a financial planner.

          Forgiveness. . . You’re viewpoint seems very much in line with how I try to view it too. I guess my hang up lies with self-preservation. Differentiating between forgiving & becoming a door mat is difficult for me. I have forgiven for similar acts time & time again. At what point do I need to do something different in order to limit feeling the way I do? It seems to just wind up on a repetitious cycle. . . & it adds insult to injury because it is a family member that I deeply care about. If this person were not family, I would have cut ties a LONG time ago & been able to forgive & forget along with it. . .

          1. Oh wow! You have big dreams there, and I admire your go-get-’em attitude. I went back to college with school leavers, just to take a frivolous course because I wanted to, in between jobs. It was good, and a nice kind of ‘time out’ from life (which I needed) but it didn’t get me anywhere and won’t be used for much. Yours sounds like it’s based in really strong ambitions, and I wish you every success with it.

            (the idea of dealing with finance is one of the great stressors of my life – I’m not good with maths, and particularly not good with money, for some reason!)

            Your point about forgiveness and changing behaviour is a fair one. The point isn’t to allow it to happen again. Not knowing the situation, I fear I can be of little help, but I think in the end if there’s a way to limit the damage without destroying the relationship, either through action or through establishing new boundaries, then that would be best. It’s not good to feel doormatty. I hope the situation is resolvable.

            1. Thank you so much, Lizzi! I do have high ambitions. In the past, I have aimed too high without a proper plan, but I feel like I have a better grasp this time around. Hopefully that proves to be the case.

              Numbers come relatively easy to me. . . I don’t enjoy all math, but it doesn’t overly frustrate me like some. I like things that are methodical. . . It’s really all about formulas & memorization, if you think about it. I can totally do that! Plus, if something were to happen & my plans were to completely change & I never were able to enter that job market, an education in finance would still greatly benefit me & my family & friends. It’s good knowledge to have. πŸ˜‰

              Forgiveness. Yeah. The only solution, as I see it, is to wait for the time to come when this person & I can actually sit down & talk, face to face & free from distraction. Hopefully that proves fruitful. πŸ˜‰

              1. The fact that you’re even entertaining the idea of talking to them, and that you’ve kept the relationship going so long in spite of the hurts, suggests that you’re doing rather well at the forgiveness. It’s an action, rather than a feeling, I think.

                And YAY for your positivity and enthusiasm. I have to say, mathsy people always awe me a bit – I tend to utterly fall apart over numbers. But it sounds like it’s gonna be a really good thing for you, which is awesome.

                1. “It’s an action, rather than a feeling.” SO TRUE! I don’t know why I haven’t thought of it that way. . . But it makes so much more sense that way. In a way, it gives me permission to (hopefully temporarily) NOT feel it, but still DO it. Fake it until I make it, so to speak. . . I do like that. πŸ˜‰

                  1. YES! Because forgiveness is so rarely abbout feeling it – goodness me, if we waited to forgive until we felt like it, no forgiving would ever be done, I’m quite sure! It’s about taking those feelings of hurt and anger and ACTING differently – with love* and compassion, in spite of them. Our actions and behaviour are the only things we have the right and ability to control…our thoughts and feelings so often kind of do their own thing alongside what we CHOOSE to do…and how much leeway into action we allow our thoughts is where the ‘verb’ bit of forgiveness lies.

                    *love – also not (so) often a feeling, but an action; a verb; a thing of ‘doing’ in spite of those feelings.

                      1. I hope I didn’t come across too preachy…forgiveness is something I’ve had cause to give a lot of consideration to, over the course of life. I may or may not be getting the hang of it (NOT that I want more opportunities to practice…), but if you found my thoughts helpful then I’m glad πŸ™‚

                        1. I did! Sincerely. πŸ˜‰ And, no; you weren’t too preachy — quite the opposite, in fact. You mentioned that you’d want to talk about it & I followed suit. If it weren’t something that had already been on my mind, I never would have taken the risk of including that subject here, where the involved family member MIGHT run into it. . . Thank you again! I do feel a lot better. πŸ˜‰

                          1. Good – I just hoped I didn’t overstep the mark πŸ™‚ Hey – I enjoyed ‘having coffee’ with you πŸ™‚ Cool idea for a post, and great conversation. Thank you.

                            1. Not at all. πŸ™‚ I enjoyed “having coffee” too! It IS an interesting idea for a post! I came across it on a fellow Bloppy’s site, (Lynda @, & just HAD to try it myself! It’s a link up on the first Saturday of each month. I think I will be trying it again in September. πŸ˜‰

                              1. Oh cool! I once wondered about a series (this was about half a year ago, and the fleeting thought went through my head) of ‘Coffee With The Considerer’, which would essentially document conversations ‘over coffee’ between me and whichever other blogger I could persuade to join in, but this idea is good – allows for more flexibility.

                                If I wasn’t involved in a weekendly blog hop on Saturdays, I’d join in πŸ˜€

                                1. I have seen yours too, Lizzi! I have lurked over at your site for a few of your TToT posts. . . I am just intimidated by committing to TEN THINGS (GASP!) every week! LOL. I know that once I got going, it would get easier & easier. . But, I have to admit again, it’s intimidating! LOL. Maybe one of these weeks I’ll gain some courage! πŸ˜‰

                                  1. Ahhh but the Ten is very much on purpose – everyone, EVERYONE has ten things in them to be thankful for; even if it’s just that they have fingers to type, or that they’re still breathing. It’s a hugely important and helpful discipline, and it comes into its own MOST when times are really tough – that’s the heritage of it: I needed it. And people really liked it, so I tentatively decided to try making it into a blog hop, and here we are a little over a year later, with a small but very committed community of people who see incredible value in the act, each week, of seeking thankfulness and Silver Linings.

                                    It’s not intimidating though, I promise. It’s been widely acknowledged as one of the most friendly, welcoming blog hops around. Certainly in my knowing, anyways πŸ™‚

                              2. If we were having coffee today (Sunday), I would tell you that I probably missed it because my husband got up quietly and let me sleep until 10:00. I must have been tired, but I’d like to reschedule. I have never been to Arizona, but it looks beautiful. And for the record, there’s always some family member who likes to stir up the…drama. Good luck with that one. I have zero advice.

                                1. I would totally reschedule, because, well, coffee & good company are worth the wait — &, frankly, so is sleeping in! Arizona IS beautiful. . . It’s just a different kind of beautiful than Washington State, so it’s been quite the adjustment & will continue to be for a while, I am sure. πŸ˜‰ And, you know, drama. Ugh. I get it; what advice is there, really? πŸ˜‰

                              3. fitnessmomwinecountry

                                Reta, I love that you joined us for coffee! Thank you. Okay so the video, the blonde, is this for real? LOL. What an amazing and awesome surprise package from the in laws, very sweet. My mom in law is passive aggressive and it drives me nuts. I have never been to Arizona, I have no idea how you handle the heat. See you in Bloppys and for coffee next month πŸ™‚

                                1. Thanks, Lynda! This is has been fun! I am definitely planning on joining y’all again next month. πŸ˜‰ I looked her up again. The blonde’s name is MollyAnn Wymer. Look her up on YouTube. Her other stuff is funny too, but this one really took the cake. And, as for the heat in Arizona. . . Um, I am inside my AIR-CONDITIONED house on here, talkin’ to y’all most of the time. . . So, yeah. Does that count as “handling it”? LOL πŸ˜‰

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