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What contradictions. I am full of them. . .
I crave routine, but I'll grow bored with it after a short while. . .
I want to go back to work — to contribute to our household, financially — but I have very little desire to go back to retail (what I have the most experience in), now that I have had over a year away from it.
I want to write (blog) more frequently, but I get so stuck in my own head that I can't find the proper words to share.
I want to write a TToT post — each of the two weeks I've missed since my last TToT post, I thought about it more than once — It's just that I feel like it is the same TToT post damn near every single week. . .
I am sad. I am bored. I have no reason to feel either. The handsome husband wants me to see someone (i.e. some kind of therapist), but I just can't bring myself to start that tedious search. . . & I am frightened that it'd mean trying medication. (Been there, done that — YEARS ago — & it wasnt pretty.)
Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Just put in the motions & see what happens. Same ol', same ol'. Day after day.
At any rate, in the interest of kicking myself in the ass & writing SOMETHING to share (& potentially — hopefully — getting things flowing again), here is my mostly tired, worn out list of thankfuls:
- My husband. He is my constant. The love of my life, my provider & protector when I cannot (& even when I can), one of the best people I know. He is truly my other half, my partner in life.
- My sons. They are pretty awesome kids. I might not get to see them as often as I would like, but I am grateful for them, nonetheless.
- My sons' fathers & step-mothers. Frankly, the take good care of the boys. I might not always see eye-to-eye with them, they might do things differently than I would, but they ensure that my sons are well cared for & loved beyond measure. How can I not be grateful for that? Things aren't perfect, but they could certainly be a whole Hell of a lot worse! I know who to thank.
- My family. I wish I got to see them a bit more, but I am quite lucky that I have the family I do.
- My house. I might not always enjoy the neighborhood — or state — where it happens to be located, but I do like my house quite a bit. 😉
- I got to host Thanksgiving at my house this year! (I get to mark that off my 101 in 1001 list!) It was great. A happy kind of chaos at my house for a few days. The handsome husband had to work, but I got good family time in. It was wonderful. . . & since Christmas will pretty much be “just another day” around here, it is nice to have had such a fabulous Thanksgiving.
- Being able to be a college student at this juncture in my life. I have been thoroughly enjoying it. Finals week is this coming week, then my first semester will come to an end. I will have a four-week break directly after & I am kind of dreading it!
- Speaking of being a college student, going into finals week, I have A's in all of my classes! I am hoping to maintain these grades with my scores on the final exams. . . We shall see how that goes, but, either way, I am feel quite satisfied with how this first semester has gone & it has left me feeling quite motivated to make my next semester (beginning mid-January) just as fabulous — if not more so.
- I finally got cleared to get wires back on my braces!! Whoo hoo! They have been off for over eight months now. Part of it was being jacked around after having to transfer care because of our move from Washington State to Arizona back in March; part of it was a concern over the health of my gums. Just two days ago, my periodontist gave the final “okay” to begin orthodontic treatment again! My appointment is this coming Thursday. It feels so odd to be so excited about pain (ha ha), but it means PROGRESS. I have had brackets on my teeth for a year-&-a-half now &, as a result of this delay, I will have them for another 18 to 24 months — basically, starting over. But, oh well. Progress is progress. I cannot go back in time.
- Have I mentioned that I am going to be an auntie again?? Maybe not, because it hasn't been my news to share. (I was sworn to a secrecy of sorts.) I will be an auntie again, two times over. My younger brother & his girlfriend are due mid-March AND the handsome husband's younger brother & his wife are due the beginning of April. It is quite exciting. I think one has announced the baby's gender & the other has only done so with a few family members. . . But, I will say that the handsome husband & I are going to have a new nephew AND niece out of this deal. Kinda neat how these things work out. . .
There we have it. My Ten Things of Thankful. . . Gettin' “back on the saddle,” so to speak. . . Maybe the floodgates will open now & I will have a more steady flow of posts in the not-so-distant future? If not, well, hope you had a chuckle or an “a ha” moment or a smile out of this somehow. . . I welcome your thoughts either way. Comment below or click over to Facebook to chat with me there. 😉
(Afterward, don't forget to pop over to see what others are thankful for this week.)
I can understand your hesitation to see someone. Perhaps, see someone and state that medication is not an option in the first month? Have you gotten Natural calm yet? It really does help. We just bought some more today.
I get the same way I crave routine but then get bored with routine.
Remaining grateful for the things you have is not boring. It is something a lot of people forget to remain grateful for. Great list and babies are so fun!!!
FRIST!
DAMN! NOT frist! Totally out-fristed by Erin there! 😀
Anyway. Reading this, I’m GLAD you wrote, and glad you’re part of this, and gladder than anything that you ‘invited me for coffee’ all those months ago 🙂
#Solidarity
“thought about it more than once — It’s just that I feel like it is the same TToT post damn near every single week. . .”
Clearly you haven’t been over to the Doctrine for a visit! lol
to paraphrase one of my favorite famous sayings, ‘you can’t write the same TToT Post twice’. no! seriously, one of the things that makes this bloghop so outstanding is the …flexibility in standards for Posts! Thank god for the Book of Secret Rules (aka the Secret Book of Rules) is all I have to say!
enjoyed reading this here Post here.
What I always tell my clients when they go to see someone about meds it to treat it as an opportunity to gain info and never forget that you can say no… going to see a therapist doesnt necessarily mean meds and you can say no… it may feel like a real luxury to talk to someone … just sayin… I get your reluctance…. nuff said… none the less even the same list is cool… youre writing it for you after all… and I gotta say I never feel I read the same lists on anyone and I bet we all feel we are writing the same thing over and over… well, at least I do! 🙂
Well, you list is wonderful. I know how you are feeling – bored, sad, and apathetic. I’m glad you had a fabulous Thanksgiving. When all else fails, participate in the ttot blog hop.
Kudo’s to all A’s, that’s fantastic!
Thank you, Susan! 😀
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I wouldn’t kick yourself too much about missing a blog posting. There are weeks I simply don’t feel like writing and I feel a bit guilty about it, but mostly just let it go. I hit a bit of a generalized funk this week which I think I’m coming out of (hope?). I hope you are too – Straight As, new auntie x 2, hosting Thanksgiving – sounds like a lot of good in the past little bit.
Your list of thankfuls is neither tired nor worn out. Each item is IMPORTANT. I have had such things as electric pencil sharpeners and diet coke on my list, so I will be the first to say nothing is too big or too small for the list!
Congratulations on your excellent grades! Maybe all that work on your classes is keeping you from being able to write blog posts? Your brain is moving in another direction right now, and I would imagine it would be hard to redirect it from schoolwork to blogging.
It doesn’t matter how many times you say you are thankful for the same thing, it’s the truth, isnt it? 🙂 No one has suggested that I see someone, but I often wonder what it would be like if I did, and just poured out all the deep, dark thoughts I have that drag me down, to a stranger, just to hear someone else say ‘you are normal’ which would be nice. Perhaps you should try it, just once, and refuse medication if that’s what puts you off. Can it hurt?
I use the same 10th thankful every single week. I don’t think it’s possible to be too grateful!
Maybe you can talk to a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist at first? Then you wouldn’t have to worry about someone trying to prescribe meds right away. That being said, the right medication can make a big difference. (Finding the right meds can be a pain, though.)
Not adding anything new here, but I agree that repeating the same thankfuls can’t be a bad thing. Maybe it seems “tired” or “worn out” to you, but I think your list shows that you have some really strong relationships in your life and that is a wonderful thing. Your list is great – have a great week ahead, too!